Right into the car. To the back of the car.
Watch your step. Step lively, please.
That's all. Take the next train.
Step back.
-Look here, Doris-- -Shut up!
My dear husband!
Oh, no. Doris, please!
Don't, Doris!
Oh, Doris!
Help! Help!
Help! Murder!
Help! Help!
No!
No more, please.
7:30
You said it. 7:30.
Hello, Pinky.
Hello, Pinkie.
You feel all right?
No. Why?
You were making some funny noises in the night.
I always do, don't l?
That is, you always say that I always do. How do I know?
You always do, but not this kind.
What kind?
I don't remember exactly, but sort of like--
-Like that, sort of. -Really? You don't say.
Yeah.
-Fascinating. -Huh?
I say I sound fascinating.
You'll do--
-Hot dog! -What?
Wait a second.
What is it?
Woman shot her husband.
Kill him?
Wait a second. I think she, uh--
Let's see.
-Nope. -That's a shame.
Condition critical, though.
Congratulations.
Wow!
What?
-Wait a second. -What is it?
-Find it in yours. -lt isn't in here.
He was playing her fast and loose, so she caught him out and shot him.
Who?
-This lady l've been telling you about. -Some lady.
Serves him right, the little two-timer.
Says here he's 5'11, weighs 180. Some little.
Little in spirit, I mean, of course.
I don't approve of people rushing around carrying loaded revolvers.
Depends on who they're rushing at.
Is that what they taught you at Yale Law School?
It's not funny.
Contempt for the law is the first thing--
Come in.
Better get movin', you two. Heavy traffic today.
Attagirl!
You big pig.
-Let him go by. -He wants the whole road.
All l'm saying is there are lots of things that a man can do...
and in society's eyes it's all hunky-dory.
A woman does the same thing, and she's an outcast.
-Finished? -No.
I'm not blaming you personally, Adam, because this is so.
-That's awfully large of you. -No, it's not your fault.
Why let this deplorable system seep into our courts of law...
where women are supposed to be equal?
Mostly, I think, females get advantages.
We don't want advantages, and we don't want prejudices.
Don't get excited, honey. You're giving me the Bryn Mawr accent.
What did she try to do? She tried to keep her home intact.
By knocking off her husband.
She didn't knock him off. He's alive.
-She tried. She missed. -Now supposing--
-You wanna give her another shot at him? -No, I don't.
-lt burns my goat. -Your what?
My goat!
Crime should be punished, not condoned.
-lf a woman commits it. -Anybody. Pull over.
-Sorry. -Aw, you lady drivers!
You'll put me away yet!
-Morning, sir. -Morning.
-Morning, Roy. -They down?
Just now. We've got five assaults and seven robberies, and l'm still counting.
-You're still young. -Not for long.
Mommy's only got one pair of brains.
I may give up smoking, you know that?
What's this habeas corpus on 904A?
-Search me. -No sense to it.
Why should I give up smoking if I like it?
-Oh, no. -Something?
-Good heavens. -What?
The one case I don't want is the case I get.
That's always the way. Rule of the profession.
-But this. -Which one?
This hysterical Hannah who tried to kill her husband.
-My wife feels-- -That's a cinch.
You've already got your full confession.
That's the kind of case you take your knitting. A cinch.
-A cinch? -What?
-You're not married to my wife. -How do you know?
A cinch. I think I oughta poke you one, Roy.
-Yes, sir. -Adam, you got a minute?
Right now, chief.
Cinch.
A case of overwrought. Simple overwrought.
I've noticed guys doing that sort of thing more and more.
I've got a theory. You wanna hear it?
I think the human race is having a nervous breakdown.
Which is why I am compelled...
to return same to you for further revision.
If this course seems to you...
unnecessarily exacting...
may I again remind you that unless we obtain...
certiorari in the immediate future--
-Grace. -Yeah?
What do you think of a man who's unfaithful to his wife?
Not nice, but--
What about a woman who's unfaithful to her husband?
-Something terrible. -Aha!
-What? -Why the difference?
Why not nice if he does it, and something terrible if she does it?
-l don't make the rules. -Sure you do. We all do.
Unless we obtain certiorari in the immediate future--
The matter looks hopeless.
I again urge you to study and consider United Zinc--
A boy sows a wild oat or two, the world winks.
A girl does the same, scandal.
-Yeah. -Hello, honey.
Hello. Hello, husband.
-You've been on my mind. -Where you been keeping yourself?
-l've been resting up after a hard-- -Adam!
You know the woman who shot her husband yesterday? Want a good laugh?
-Sure, go ahead. -Well, l'm elected.
I was gonna ask the chief to let me off to keep peace at home.
-What? -The boss wants a quick conviction...
and l'm the guy who can get it for him.
-So he says. -You big he-men make me sick!
-What? -An outrage, that's what I think.
You're getting awful dramatic.
Why? What's so funny?
Nothing. You just sound cute when you get causey.
Hello? Hello?
Did you ever hear about the straw that broke the camel's back?
Many times.
Well, itjust happened again, right on that phone.
The last straw on a female camel.
-Right on that phone? -Yeah. Take all this down.
This is important.
There's a woman named-- Wait a minute.
Hey, Bobby, bring me the morning papers in here right away, will you, please?
Whatever her name was, she shot her husband last night.
-Served him right. -l'm not talking. This is big.
One: Find out where she is.
Two: Get me copies of all the police and court records that are available.
Three: Find out who's handling her. Probably Legal Aid Society.
If that's it, let me talk to Rogers down there.
If she's privately defended, find out who, let me talk to them.
Four: Get Miss Bassett at Women's Council for Equal Rights.
Five: Get my husband on the phone. Six: Don't get my husband.
-Thank you, Bobby. -Woman popped her ever-lovin'.
Yeah. Thanks. Beat it. Attinger.
A-T-T-l-N-G-E-R.
Yes, Doris Attinger. I want to see her today without fail.
-What's going to happen? -Plenty.
What explanation have you got?
She's crazy, that's all. That's the only explanation.
Plain crazy.
She's always been crazy, if you want a fact.
-Crazy when you married her? -Certainly. A fruitcake.
-Why did you marry her? -How should I know? Who knows?
Why'd you marry yours? Does anybody know?
Wait, Mr. Attinger. Let's not play around with this too free and easy.
After you've filed complaint--
I've been complaining ever since the day I got married to her.
Go ahead and file it. She's nuts! That's my complaint.
I'd like to see her put away somewheres.
That's all. Out of my hair.
Murderers running around. What kind of a town is this?
We don't have so many murderers running around, Miss--
but we have a lot of other things just as bad.
You mean like me, huh?
Listen, bub, I connect with you. You ain't over my head.
-Good. -l'm gettin' a lawyer on my own.
-l gotta get her put away. -Listen, pal.
You're running way ahead of yourself.
You just give us the facts and the background.
We'll get a conviction on an attempted murder...
or first-degree assault or however else the office wishes to proceed.
You understand that?
What do I do?
You just tell us the truth as clearly and as accurately as you can.
Shoot. I mean, go ahead.
State your full name.
Warren Francis Attinger.
Where do you live?
66 West 12th Street.
-New York City? -New York City.
Occupation?
No occupation.
-Housewife. -That's right. Housewife.
-All right. -And mother?
Yes.
No, thank you.
I don't believe women should smoke. You'll excuse me saying it.
Yes, l'll excuse you.
-Now-- -lt's not feminine.
How long have you been married, Mrs. Attinger?
Nine years and four months.
-l see. -And 12 days.
-Finished? -Yes, thank you.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
And you have three children?
Warren, Jr., he's eight...
Allan, he's seven, and Trudy, she's six.
That's all.
When did you begin to suspect that you were losing your husband's affection?
When he stopped battin' me around.
-When was that? -Eleven months ago. March 14.
He struck you?
First time, he broke a tooth.
-My tooth. -l see.
Upper left molar.
-And how often-- -lt's capped now. You can't notice it.
Good. Now, let's start with the day of the accident--
Oh, no accident. I wanted to shoot him.
Suppose we decide later just what you wanted to do.
Silly.
The difference between ten years in prison and freedom...
is not silly, Mrs. Attinger.
Call me Doris.
Pay attention to what l'm saying.
I don't care what happens to me.
Do you care what happens to Warren and Allan and Trudy?
Yes, I do. I wanna go home.
Can't you fix it so I should go home?
Not right now, but we're working on it. Here.
I promised my kids l'd take 'em to Coney lsland tomorrow.
Yes, you drink that.
Now, you would help us very much if you could reconstruct the day.
All of yesterday.
Well, first thing in the morning...
-Yes? -l woke up.
-Yes? -And I see he didn't sleep home.
You were shocked and surprised.
Oh, no. Not shocked, not surprised.
He used to not do that a lot-- come home.
Did you ever question him about his behavior?
Certainly.
-Did he offer any explanation? -Certainly.
He told me to shut up and mind my own business.
I see.
But yesterday, I got worried.
Not worried, mad.
-l got mad. You know why? -Why?
'Cause it was the fourth night in a row he didn't.
-Come home? -Yeah.
-And that made you angry? -Sure. lt was gettin' a habit with him.
So I sent the kids to school, and I went and bought a gun.
-Where? -This hock shop I go to.
I bought a gun and they gave me a book how to--free.
Had you decided by this time exactly what you planned to do?
I'll tell you the honest truth. I didn't decide nothin'.
I was doin' everything like in a dream--
like I was watchin' myself, but I couldn't help it.
-Like a dream? -Yeah. Wait a second.
You got all that?
Like I was watching myself but couldn't help it. Like a dream.
Yeah, that's good. Now, go on, Doris.
So then I got very hungry.
-When? -When I bought the gun.
-Yeah? -So I went in this hamburger place...
and I ate two--rare-- and one lemon meringue pie.
And then?
Then I was still hungry.
Think of that.
So I walked all around...
and I kept talkin' to myself not to be foolish.
-And then? -And then I called up Warren.
He was just gettin' his lunch hour by now.
I said to him I wanna see him important, so if we could have lunch together.
So he said no, naturally.
So I asked him, You comin' home after?
So he says, What for?
So I said to him, Don't you live there no more?
So he says, Don't bother me at the office. You want me to lose my job?
Loud. So then he hung up.
And what did you do?
I had a cup of coffee.
Where?
The same place as him, only he didn't see me.
It was crowded. The Buffet Exchange.
So then I bought some chocolate nut bars...
and I went outside of his office and I waited the whole afternoon.
And I kept eatin' the candy bars and waitin' until he come out.
And then I followed him.
And then I shot him.
And after you shot him, how did you feel then?
Hungry.
Everything looks lovely, Mary.
-You must be dead. -l don't care, except the extra help.
With me, the more help I got, the harder I have to work.
-l'm not late, am l? -lsn't that typical?
Twenty minutes of 8:00.
Oh! Beautiful!
Uh, I don't--
Can you get dressed in four minutes?
Of course I can't get dressed in four minutes.
Why, sure, darling, I can get dressed in four minutes.
I may have a little trouble getting in a bath in that time.
You are hurrying up, aren't you, darling?
Do you remember Judge Marcasson's wife's name?
Oh, I do. Alice.
I hope Kip knows enough to behave with the judges around.
I'll keep him playing the piano as much as possible.
-Have a good day? -Yeah.
-You make a lot of money? -No.
-Better than money. -Really? What?
A very interesting development.
Very.
Good.
I hope you'll think so when you find out what it is.
It may jar you a bit at first, but--
Pinky!
Calling me?
What's that?
Just the best hat in the world.
For the best head.
I may ask you to come home late every single night.
Someday they're gonna build a statue to you somewhere.
I said-- Now, what about that?
-That's sweet. -lsn't that absolutely a miracle?
You look kind of like Grandma Moses.
-Yeah? -Your mother and father are here.
-Tell 'em we'll be right down. -Tell 'em to fix themselves a drink!
-What? -A drink.
No, thanks.
What?
I said I don't want one, thanks.
For the love of heaven.
How do I look?
Oh, boy, you look handsome.
-This is a dress I have on. -Oh, it's beautiful!
They'll be right down, Mrs. Bonner.
-How are you, Mary? -Hello, everybody.
-Hello, honey. -lt's just us.
-Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. -Well, son, how are you?
Dad. Hi.
-Hello, Adam. -Hello, dear.
Adam, mix the drinks. l'm sorry we're so late, but l'm not to blame.
-l have an irresponsible husband. -Hereditary.
We're gonna have the most sensational dinner.
-Oh, my dress. Do it up, will you? -l'm sorry. I forgot my glasses.
You did? Adam! Come in here and fasten me up.
-Sit down. -Fasten? Oh, here, Pop.
Mix 'em, don't drink 'em.
I suppose someday somebody will invent something--
You've got no complaint.
You oughta see some of the things that I used to have to handle.
Hooks and eyes.
She had an evening gown one time had about two thousand.
-Don't exaggerate. -All right, then. One thousand.
Used to start to hook her up right after breakfast.
-Good evening. -Good evening, Mary.
Anybody else important here yet?
Well, look at us. All the way from across the hall and on time.
-Don't we look nice? -You certainly do.
-You know Emerald Messel, don't you? -Emerald, how are you?
You know Adam's father and mother? Emerald Messel.
She's just been proposing to me. That's why we're on time.
Ha, ha!
No humor, but stinkin' rich.
-What do you want to drink? -Whatever's going.
-Dad, would you be an angel? -You bet.
-Need some help, old friend? -No, thanks.
Why not? She may be your wife, but she's my lawyer.
Amanda, my love, why do you stay married to a legal beagle with ten thumbs?
All right, Kip. That's enough.
Not for me it's not.
-Why don't you go play the piano? -All right.
-l suppose that is why I was invited. -That's right.
Somebody ought to bring me a drink. I choose Amanda.
Are you the judges? Somebody said judges were coming.
Hello, Dotty.
You always have judges here. Why is that? To get in good with them?
How very nice to see you, Mrs. Marcasson.
How very nice to see you Mrs. Marcasson
The judge is standing by but I really don't know why
What were you doing down in my bailiwick today?
Oh, just a little ambulance chasing.
-Successful? -Well, I got the case.
What case?
A girl named Doris Attinger shot her husband. l'm going to defend her.
Dinner is served, madam.
Oh, well, let's go on in, everyone.
That's all right, darling.
The trouble with this picture-- it drags.
Shut up, Kip.
Are you all sure that you want to see this?
I don't.
Look at that.
This is our main house. The cottage is out here by the camera.
I can't see it.
What an unusual name. Your idea, Adam?
Cute outfit, Amanda. Really cute.
Mighty pretty country up there!
Ha, ha.
I know a lady collapsed a lung once laughing like that.
Oh, cute outfit, Adam! Really cute!
Look at those darling dogs.
One, two, three.
Sort of an animal picture, isn't it?
I would say this movie has a rather limited appeal.
-What's that anyhow? -lt's the mortgage.
That was the day they paid off the mortgage.
Brought it out myself.
Looks like rubber from here.
We acted this all out later, of course. I mean, it's not actual.
-All right, bigmouth, settle down. -Oh, Kip!
Seems much slower than the other eight times l've seen it.
Who took these pictures, your cow?
-You oughta be on the stage, Judge. -Anywhere but in this picture.
You should have taken a picture of burning the mortgage.
We did, Dad. Wait, look.
Oh, cute, Adam. Very cute.
Oh, expensive hot dogs.
Our tree.
Tree kissing, a famous old Connecticut custom.
Barn kissing, a famous old Connecticut custom.
What a funny--
Wife kissing, a famous old Connecticut custom.
Okay, everybody, on your heads.
As the sanking soo sunks into the sinking sand...
we say good-bye...
to Bonner Hill and the sickening home movies.
All right! All right!
You've said the same thing nine times!
For the tenth time then, will you stay out of this Attinger thing?
Did you have to sulk all evening, and with a growl on your face?
How could a man have a growl on his face?
If you think you're gonna turn a court of law into a Punch-and-Judy show--
Darling, please! This means a great deal to me...
and it's not a stunt.
This poor woman. lsn't she entitled to the same justice...
that's usually reserved for men?
The same unwritten law that got Lennahan off.
-Would you please-- -l know what you're going to say.
He should have been convicted too, but he wasn't.
-Couldn't I please get one, little-- -You're not putting her away...
because she had the misfortune to be born a female.
Just one word in edgewise.
Could I please get a word in edgewise?
-Go ahead. -Not one sybbal--
Not one syllable of what you have been blabbering here tonight--
You always do that when you get excited.
I am going to cut you into 12 little pieces...
and feed you to the jury, so get prepared for it.
Good night, Pinky.
Oh, good night.
We're here.
Have you agreed on a date for the People v. Riverton?
Yes, Your Honor.
The People v. Delwyn has been assigned to part three.
All witnesses in that case will proceed to that part.
That's part three.
People against Attinger.
You may proceed.
Your Honor, I move the case of the People of the State of New York...
against Doris Szabo Attinger to trial.
-ls the defendant ready? -Defendant is ready.
Very well. You may proceed to select ajury.
Paul Hurlock.
Take your coat with you, please.
Place your left hand on the Bible. Raise your right hand.
You swear you will true answers make to all questions...
put to you upon the challenges touching upon your competence...
as a fair and impartial juror in this proceeding...
between the people of New York and Doris Szabo Attinger, so help you God?
-l do. -Be seated.
State your full name and address.
Paul Hurlock, 1731 Boylston Avenue, New York City.
Mr. Hurlock, what's your occupation?
Infants headgear.
Are you personally acquainted with one Warren Attinger?
-No. -Doris Szabo Attinger?
-No. -Beryl Caighn?
Do you think that you're able to render ajust and honest verdict...
in this case as deduced by the evidence of the law as laid down by the court?
-Sure. -Yes?
-Uh, yes. -The juror is acceptable to the People.
-Good morning, Mr. Hurlock. -Good morning.
Do you believe in equal rights for women?
-What? -Objection.
May it please the court, I submit that my entire line of defense...
is based on the proposition that persons of the female sex...
should be dealt with before the law as equals of persons of the male sex.
I submit that I cannot hope to argue this line...
before minds hostile to and prejudiced against the female sex.
Objection still stands, Your Honor.
-Overruled. -Exception.
Repeat the question, Counselor.
Do you believe in equal rights for women?
I should say not.
The defendant challenges this juror for cause.
Excused.
Benjamin Klausner.
Your Honor, in view of the fact that counsel have agreed...
that alternate jurors are not to be selected...
may we proceed without making a call for additional prospective jurors?
You may proceed.
Left hand on the Bible, raise your right hand.
You swear that you will true answers make to all questions put to you...
upon the challenges touching upon your competence...
as a fair and impartial juror in this proceeding...
between the people of New York and Doris Szabo Attinger, so help you God?
-l do. -Be seated.
-You're Benjamin Klows-ner? -Klausner.
-State your address. -107 East 77th Street, New York City.
-Occupation. -Motion picture projectionist.
Have you ever served on a motion picture projectionist before?
What?
Uh, have you ever served on ajury before?
Hello, thing.
Hello, at last.
Well, well, well.
Well, well, well, what?
-Here we are. -How true.
Home at last.
Took the words right out of my--
Darling?
Are you--are you all right?
How do you mean?
I mean in health and so forth.
-Sure. -Good.
In health, excellent. ln so forth, fair.
-What's that some of? -Some of daiquiris.
Oh, good.
Nobody died in the evening papers. lsn't that nice?
What do you suppose it is, perverseness of human nature or what?
It seems every night when Mary's out, that's the night I want to stay home.
Not me. I love to go out to dinner. l'd rather go out than anything.
-Where do you want to go tonight? -No place. I want to stay home.
Would you mind? Please?
-Well, I don't know. All right. -Cook up something ourselves.
Something exotic. How would you care for some of that?
-Oh, I would. -Of what?
What you said.
Fine. You gonna make it?
You're not making too much sense.
Do you want to talk to me or read that paper?
-Read the paper. -Why?
Quite a lot about me in it. I guess that's why.
Yes, l'll bet.
You feel Pinky, cranky?
You feel cranky, Pinky?
Hard day, huh?
-ln court all day? -Yes.
Had to mix it up with a tough customer.
-That always makes you irritable. -Not so bad.
-ln fact, it was a cinch. -That's good, isn't it?
-lsn't it? -Oh, my, my, my.
Dear?
-You mean me? -l sure do.
-Listen. -l'm all ears.
-Oh, sure. -What?
You all right?
Me? Sure. Of course. Why?
I just wouldn't wanna think of you not being all right, that's all.
-You know what you are? -What?
-Lovable. -l know.
-Are you hungry? -Yes, l'm starving.
Let's go.
Thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Give you a real rubdown later if you'll give me one.
There. That's more like it.
-Ouch! -What's the matter?
Anything for a hungry man?
-Cheese. A soufflé, maybe? -No, no.
I've got enough on my mind without a soufflé.
There ought to be some lamb left.
I don't think--wait a minute. Yes!
-Lamb? -Mm-hmm.
-Lamb curry. What do you say? -Perfect.
With rice.
-Chutney, chutney. -Yes, I think so.
Tea. Tea and curry. That's the thing.
-And salad. -Give me the junk for the salad.
Do you know, you were pretty cute in there today, my little.
You weren't so bad yourself, chum.
-Do you mind a bit of garlic? -Why a bit?
-Pinkie? -What, Pinky?
-Do me a favor, will ya? -Not too much salt?
No. Drop the case.
-l can't. -Why not?
-lt's my cause. -l know.
But I could see in there today, it's gonna get sillier and messier...
day by day by day.
By day.
-l don't ask many favors. -Sure you do.
-You can handle it from your desk. -Not as good.
Listen, darling, I know that deep down you agree with me...
with everything I want and hope and believe in.
We couldn't be so close if you didn't-- if I didn't feel that you did.
-Oh, sure. -Take this trial.
Maybe it has some of the inconvenience of the spotlight...
but that's my whole point.
Not any green peppers. lndigestible.
Everything's indigestible to some people.
Anyway, I don't like green peppers.
-No green peppers. -Take the Boston Tea Party.
-lnstead of the green peppers? -What did they do?
They dramatized an injustice. That's all l'm trying to do.
Yeah. People will be making jokes about us over the radio before long.
-All in a good cause. -Your cause.
Everybody's.
Now--there's just enough for us.
Hello, you well-known thing, you.
How are you?
You ask that because you can't think of anything else to say.
You don't care whether I live or die.
Hello, lawyer dear. Seen all these?
-Yeah. Thank you. -Have some extras.
Marvelous goings-on. Everybody's talking about it.
-Yeah. That's the idea. -Sort of like the World Series.
Yes, l'm afraid it is.
What have you been eating, raspberry jam or Amanda's face?
Oh, very funny.
-Very, very funny. -l didn't even notice it.
If you'd look at me once in a while, you would notice things like that.
Bicker, bicker. I give them three months at the most.
What do you want, anyway?
As if you didn't know.
-How's it coming? -The show?
Smashing. Simply smashing.
Couldn't get much work done today. Another notion got in the way.
-A new song. Wanna hear it? -Maybe some other time.
It's not finished yet, but please, it's for you.
And, Adam, you don't have to listen.
-He's written a song. -Darling, don't be cross.
He's sweet.
Listening?
Farewell, Amanda
Adiós, addio, adieu
Farewell, Amanda
It all was great fun but it's done
It's through
Still now and then
Fair Amanda
When you're stepping on the stars above
Please recall that wonderful night
On the veranda
Sweet Amanda
And our love
No verse yet.
Listening?
Farewell, Amanda
Adiós, addio, adieu
Farewell, Amanda
It all was great fun but it's done
It's through
Still now and then
Fair Amanda
When you're stepping on the stars above
Please recall that wonderful night
On the veranda
Sweet Amanda
And our love
Help!
Pardon.
Did I hear someone say, Sing it again?
-No. -l haven't got time anyway.
-lt's very pretty. -Pretty and fresh.
You're not friendly to me. I may consult my lawyer.
I think you should change the name.
Can't. lt won't scan, see? Good luck tomorrow, Amanda.
I'm on your side. I guess you know that.
You've got me so convinced, I may even go out and become a woman.
Good night, all.
He wouldn't have far to go either.
-Shh! -What's the matter?
He can hear you.
Then what happened?
-Then I heard a noise, and-- -What kind of a noise?
Like a sound. Like a loud sound going off.
-Yes? -So I jumped up...
and all of a sudden I saw her.
-Mrs. Attinger? -Yes.
-Say so, please. -l seen Mrs. Attinger.
She was comin' after me with this gun right in her two hands.
I guess I must've started to conk out--
Excuse me, to faint.
So then Mr. Attinger grabbed me, so's I shouldn't fall down, I guess...
and then she, Mrs. Attinger, tried to kill me.
Objection.
Will the court instruct the witness to refrain from testifying to conclusions?
Sustain that. Jury, disregard reply.
Strike from record.
Witness will please confine herself to the recital of facts.
-What did she do? -She shot me--at me.
I mean, she tried to shoot me.
-How do you know that? -Because she did it.
So then he jumped in front of me-- Warren, Mr. Attinger--
and I ran out in the hall hollering...
and then I fainted and everything went black.
Your witness.
Everything went black a little earlier, didn't it, Miss Caighn?
What?
I refer to the color of the black silk negligee...
you put on to receive Mr. Attinger.
Objection. lrrelevant. What difference does it make what color she was wearing?
-A lot. -Oh, come, come.
Overruled.
Exception.
Were you wearing a black silk lace negligee?
-Yes. -Speak up, Miss Caighn.
We're all interested in what you have to say.
-What else? -What?
Answer the question.
-l can't remember. -Shoes? Slippers?
-Yes. -Which?
-Slippers. -Stockings?
Yes.
Think again.
Nothing else?
-Yes. -What?
A hair ribbon.
This your usual costume...
for receiving casual callers?
Objection.
Sustained.
Withdrawn. Uh, Miss Caighn, you said Mr. Attinger came to see you about--
About another insurance policy. I said this already.
Well, say it again.
Mr. Attinger came to collect on my policy and explain me another kind.
-You hold? -Straight life, 3,000.
-And he came to discuss? -Health and accident.
He showed remarkable foresight in this, wouldn't you say?
Would Your Honor instruct counsel...
to refrain from these sly and feminine hints to the jury?
I'll withdraw the question, Your Honor, on condition...
that the word feminine be stricken from the record.
-So be it. -So ordered.
Miss Caighn, a while ago you said--
Would you be kind enough to read me some of Miss Caighn's testimony?
She just fainted, I believe, for the first time.
So I guess I must've started to conk out--
Excuse me--to faint. So Mr. Attinger grabbed me--
That's it. Thank you very much. You said Mr. Attinger grabbed you.
-Yes. -Had he ever grabbed you before?
Never before?
You're aware that you're under oath...
and that any false answer makes you liable to perjury?
-Yes. -Mr. Attinger...
had never touched you before this time.
-Sure. -Ahh.
We used to shake hands quite a lot.
I see. Did you enjoy it?
Objection!
Sustained.
And the year before that, what did you give your wife for her birthday?
-Nothing. -Nothing again.
-And the year before that? -l don't remember.
You don't remember because there's nothing to remember.
Wait a second. lt was--
Husbands remember the gifts they give, Mr. Attinger.
-Okay, so I didn't. -Why?
Had she ceased to be a good wife to you?
Oh, she's okay.
Mr. Attinger, do you wish to see justice done in this case?
-Yes! -All right. Tell the truth.
Do you love your wife? Tell the truth.
-No. -Did you love her before she shot you?
-Tell the truth. -When before?
-The day before. -No.
When did you meet Beryl Caighn?
A year--maybe and a half.
And when did you stop loving your wife? Tell the truth.
-At least three years. -Why? Tell the truth.
She started getting too fat.
-Did you tell her about that? -Yeah.
-What happened? -She got fatter.
Mr. Attinger...
did you ever strike your wife?
-Not much. -Tell the jury yes or no.
-Yeah. -Knock her down?
-What? -Did you ever knock her down?
Tell the truth.
Maybe a couple of times she tripped or slipped.
Scold her?
Tell the jury yes or no.
-Yeah. -Stay out all night?
Yeah.
Do you consider yourself a good husband?
Yes.
That's all.
-Your wife ever scold you? -Yes.
-Strike you? -Yes.
-Knock you down? -Yes.
-Did she ever stay out all night? -No. I wish she did.
Never mind the comment. Just answer the questions.
What l'm doin' now--all day.
Now listen to this very carefully.
Did your wife ever threaten you?
Sure. Yeah.
-When? -Every day.
And what effect did this have upon you?
It made me into a nervous wreck.
How else did she mistreat you?
In bed. She used to hit me in my sleep.
-How? -What do you mean, How?
With her fist.
Now you're sure this wasn't just your imagination?
You don't get a split lip from imagination.
She used to wait 'til I went to sleep. Then pow, pow!
So then an argument.
So then l'd go to sleep again. So then pow, pow!
-This caused you great distress? -Yes.
Also sleepless nights.
So I says, Listen, Warren, you can't have it both ways.
So make up your mind, and don't try to make some kind of part-timer out of me.
So he says, Bite your tongue, fatso.
So I says, You comin' home for supper?
So he says, l'll write you a letter.
So I said, You comin' home after?
So he says, l'll put an ad in the New York Times personal column...
and let you know.
So I says, Don't get too sassy, Mr. Attinger.
So he says, Don't you be lookin' at me so cockeyed...
'cause I don't wanna have to shake your head up to straighten 'em out.
So I threw it.
-Threw what? -The pot.
So he left mad.
And that was the last you saw him?
'Til later, when I followed him up...
caught him muzzlin' that tall job.
-Objection. -Sustained.
Instructjury, bear in mind activity not yet known.
When you entered apartment D, what did you see?
Them, clutchin'.
-How close together were they? -Oh, close. Together.
-No space between them? -No space.
Where were her hands?
On his ears.
-On his ears? -One on each ear.
Maybe that's why he didn't hear me come in.
And where were his hands?
Who knows?
You didn't see them?
Around her someplace.
-Did that surprise you? -No. I figured.
But it enraged you?
-Objection. Leading. -Sustained.
When you found them thus embraced, what happened?
It enraged me.
Then what?
I pressed the gun.
And?
Bang?
Did you take careful aim?
I was too nervous.
Did you aim at all?
I was too nervous.
Did you at that time intend to kill Beryl Caighn?
-To wound her? -No.
-To frighten her? -Yes.
To kill your husband?
-To wound him? To frighten him? -No.
-No? -No.
In other words, you fired the pistol...
only to frighten Beryl Caighn.
Yes.
What was the point of that?
I have three children.
She was breakin' up my home!
That's right, Mrs. Attinger. Go ahead and have a good cry.
But somewhere in between those sobs maybe you could tell us...
who it is you're crying for.
Is it for Beryl Caighn, an innocent bystander...
to your sordid domestic failure...
or is it your husband, driven ill by your shrewishness?
Or is it your children, cursed with an unstable and irresponsible mother?
-Or could it be for yourself-- -l object to this pre-peroration...
on the grounds that it is prejudicial to the defendant!
Oh, let it stand. I can't see that it much matters. Overruled.
Exception.
But do get on with it, Mr. Bonner. Please.
Your husband has testified...
that you have frequent fits of temper.
-l must object-- -What are you gonna do...
object before I ask the question?
This is an attempt to paint the defendant as a lunatic.
Mrs. Attinger is a fine, healthy--
-A noble wife, mother-- -Just a moment, please!
May I remind the court of the words of the poet Congreve?
Are you gonna quote poetry?
Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned...
nor hell a fury like a woman scorned!
Now just a moment! Read the question.
Your husband has testified that you have frequent fits of temper.
What--
Don't tell me thatjudge is impartial.
Every time I look up at him, I can just see him.
Quiet, please. lt doesn't do you any good if you don't--wait a minute.
-Relax. -l'm relaxed.
-No, I can feel. -So can l.
You can?
Ow! What are you doing?
Testing.
Oh, I thank you.
Seems to me I need this more every year.
-You're aging fast, that's all. -You can say that again.
All right, I will. You're aging fast, that's all.
And you're helping.
Done.
I thank you.
There ought to be news on the radio. You wanna hear it?
If it's good news, yep.
-Oh, sorry. -l'll do my best.
Why don't they have all the good news on one station...
and all the bad news on another station?
Wouldn't that be good?
I got the station with the bad news.
Getting awfully popular, Kip's song.
-l hear it everywhere. -So do l.
I hear it sometimes even when it isn't playing.
Farewell, Amanda
Adiós, addio, adieu
Farewell, Amanda
What's the matter? Don't you want your rubdown?
What, are you sore about a little slap?
-No. -Well, what, then?
You meant that, didn't you? You really meant that.
-Why, no, l-- -Yes, you did. I know your touch.
-l know a slap from a slug! -Okay, okay.
I'm not so sure it is. l'm not so sure I care to expose myself...
to typical, instinctive masculine brutality!
-Oh, come now! -lt felt not only as if you meant it...
but as though you felt you had a right to.
-l can tell. -You got radar equipment back there?
You're really sore at me, aren't you?
Oh, don't be diriculous--ridiculous.
-There. Proves it. -All right!
All right, I am sore! What about it?
-Why are you? -You know why.
You mean Kip? Just because he's having a little fun?
No, because you're having fun. The wrong kind, down in that courtroom.
You're shaking the law by the tail, and I don't like it!
I'm ashamed of you, Amanda.
-ls that so? -Yes, that's so.
We've had differences, and l've always tried to see your point of view...
but this time you've got me stumped.
You haven't tried to see my point of view.
You haven't any respect for my--
There we go. There we go.
Here we go again. The old juice.
Guaranteed heart-melter. A few female tears.
-l can't help it! -Stronger than any acid.
But this time they won't work.
You can cry from now until the jury comes in...
and it won't make you right, and it won't win you that silly case!
Adam! Please, try to understand!
Don't you want your rubdown?
Want a drink?
-No. -Do you want any--
What, honey?
-Ow! -Let's all be manly!
...and represents a wanton waste of the taxpayers' money.
I have called these few witnesses...
to assist me in graphically illustrating my point:
That woman as the equal of man is entitled to equality before the law.
They have been carefully selected to testify in this case...
each representing a particular branch of American womanhood...
for not only one woman is on trial here but all women.
Your Honor, I submit that not one of this long string of witnesses...
has any direct bearing on the case.
For years, women have been ridiculed, pampered...
chucked under the chin.
I ask you on behalf of us all, be fair to the fairer sex.
We'll be here a year.
Mrs. Bonner, couldn't you cover the ground with three witnesses?
Well, Dr. Margaret Brodeigh, will you take the stand, please?
With this witness to be examined...
this case will continue for at least two days.
With Your Honor's permission, l'll report that no new cases...
are to be added to our day calendar.
So ordered.
Left hand on the Bible, raise your right hand.
You swear that the evidence you'll give to the jury...
will be nothing but the truth, so help you God?
-l do. -Be seated. Your name and address.
Dr. Margaret Brodeigh, 58 East 88th Street.
Dr. Brodeigh, would you be good enough to state your age?
-Thirty-three. -Your occupation?
-Chemist. -Will you tell the court...
what position or positions you now hold?
Gladly. Chief Consulting Chemist, lnstitute for Advanced Studies...
Director, Brodeigh-Halleck Laboratories...
civilian consultant, United States Army Chemical Warfare Service...
advisor to Supply Officer, British Embassy...
Director of Chemical Field Research, United States Department of Agriculture.
That's this year.
Will you tell the court what degrees you have?
Well, let's see.
A.B., B.S., Bryn Mawr.
M.A., Ph.D., M.D., Columbia.
Then, uh, do you want the European ones too?
-Please. -Well...
Diplôme des Sciences Chimiques de la Sorbonne, Paris.
Docteur de Philosophie, Université--
I see. How many months have you been foreman, Mrs. McGrath?
Seventeen.
And this promotion placed under you how many?
Uh, 3-8-3.
-Any men? -Mostly.
-They didn't complain? -Couldn't. Seniority.
Does your husband object to your employment?
-No. -ls he employed?
-Yes. -Where?
Under me.
Just what do you mean by show business, Miss La Pere?
Well, I mean all different kinds of show business.
There's carnival and vaudeville, Ringling Brothers, nightclubs.
-l even did legit once. -What do you do?
It changes, see? Take, for instance, tumbling.
I used to do a lot of tumbling...
but it gets corny, and l'm stuck with the role of flip-flap--
-What are they? -Well, it's a--
Hey, look.
That's it.
But nobody wants it. lt's corny.
So then I got trapeze work and high bar...
but l'm getting a little heavy for that now...
so I got into this lift act.
I'm one of the only female under-standers around.
-What? -We do this open pyramid...
where I support five men.
Surely you're not the only female who does that.
No, I mean in the act. Oh, a gag.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, support.
That was a good one.
Let's get on, counsel, shall we?
Yes, sir.
Now, what do you consider your best physical...
or athletic accomplishment?
My lifts, I guess.
I was out last year, these three Olympic guys and me. Just lifts.
I've done the finish where I lift the champ with his barbell together.
-What? -Yeah. This was a good act.
You see, they lift, lift, lift...
and then the last guy does a one-hand 350 barbell lift.
Then while he's still got it up, I lift him with his barbell together...
peeled down so they could tell I was a woman.
-Remarkable. -Yeah, I used to get a good hand.
Can you lift any man?
Well, I don't know.
-Could you lift Mr. Bonner? -Who's he?
Your Honor, I object to this farce. I call to counsel's attention--
-That's him. -Oh, sure.
May it please the court, I strenuously object...
to the methods being used in this matter...
if for no other reason that it's an insult to the dignity of the court.
We all love the circus. I love it as much as anybody else, but it seems--
-No, no, no, no! -l'll get you up here. That's it.
-Clap your hands. -Put him down!
-Your Honor, l'm trying to demonstrate-- -Let me down!
-Let me down, lady! -Come down from there!
Your Honor--
Just put him down!
Put him down.
Let me down, lady.
Now, baby, there you are now.
Hello, thing.
I'm sorry l'm so late, darling, but l--
Guess who this is for?
Darling, please.
You're real mad, or is this a tease or what?
Real mad.
Shouldn't we talk about it?
Don't you want to hear my side?
Oh, Adam, don't you want to talk to me?
Well, what is it? Did I go too far?
If you think I did, then l'm sorry.
Can't I apologize?
Didn't you ever go too far?
Once.
If l'm in the wrong, I want to make it right...
but you're making a mountain out of something that isn't even an anthill...
let alone a molehill.
-A hill of beans-- -May I say just one thing?
-Of course. -Save your eloquence for the jury.
Adam, please, forgive me.
-What for? -For whatever it is that's upset you.
-You don't know what it is? -Not exactly, no.
-That's just my point. -What point?
We've been close, but we've never been this close...
and I see something in you l've never seen before, and I don't like it.
-ln fact, I hate it. -Go ahead.
Contempt for the law, that's what you've got.
It's a spreading disease.
You think the law is something you can get over or get under or get around...
orjust plain flaunt.
You start with that, and you wind up in the--
Well, look at us.
The law is the law, whether it's good or bad!
If it's bad, change it, don't bust it wide open.
You start with one law. Then pretty soon it's all laws.
Pretty soon it's everything. Then it's me.
-You got no respect for me, have you? -Not at the moment, no.
Answer me one question, will you? What is marriage? Tell me that.
-You tell me. -l will tell you.
It's a contract. lt's the law.
Are you going to outsmart that the way you've outsmarted all other laws?
That's very clever.
You've outsmarted yourself, you've outsmarted me and everything.
You get yourself set on some dimwitted cause...
and you go ahead regardless!
You don't care what it does to me or to you or to anybody...
and you don't care what people watching think of us.
I'll tell you what they think of us. They think we're uncivilized nuts!
Uncivilized!
Just what blow you struck for women's rights or what have you...
I am sure I don't know...
but you certainly have fouled us up beyond all recognition.
You've split us right down the middle.
How?
Just how?
I've done it all the way I said I would.
I'm sick of this health, richer, poorer, better or worse.
This is too worse. This is basic.
I'm old-fashioned. I like two sexes!
I don't like being married to what is known as a new woman.
I want a wife, not a competitor. Competitor!
If you wanna be a big he-woman, go and be it, but not with me.
You're not gonna solve anything by running away!
Where are you going?
Why don't you stand still and have it out?
-Where are you going? -Because I don't want to.
Adam, please. l've said all the wrong things.
I don't know what's the matter with me. But you've said--
No, I haven't. l've said everything I meant.
-Adam! -What?
Don't you dare slam that door.
All right.
The question here is equality before the law...
regardless of religion, color, wealth...
or, as in this instance, sex.
Excuse me.
Law, like man, is composed of two parts.
Just as man is body and soul...
so is the law letter and spirit.
The law says, Thou shalt not kill.
Yet men have killed and proved a reason...
and been set free.
Self-defense, defense of others--
of wife, of children and home.
If a thief breaks into your house...
and you shoot him...
the law will not deal harshly with you, nor indeed should it.
So here you are asked to judge not whether or not...
these acts were committed...
but to what extent they were justified.
Now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
I request that you join me in a revealing experiment.
I ask you all to direct your attention...
to the defendant, Mrs. Attinger.
Keep looking at her. Keep watching.
Listen carefully and look at her hard.
Now imagine her a man.
Go on now. Use your imaginations.
Think of her as a man sitting there accused of a like crime.
A husband who was only trying to protect his home.
Now hold that impression and look at Beryl Caighn.
Look at her hard.
A man. A slick home wrecker. A third party.
A wolf. You know the type.
All right, hold that impression and look at Mr. Attinger...
and suppose him a woman.
Try. Try hard.
Ah, yes, there she is.
The guilty wife. Look at her. Does she arouse your sympathy?
All right. Now you have it.
Judge it so!
An unwritten law stands back of a man who fights to defend his home.
Apply this same law to this maltreated wife...
and neglected woman.
We ask you no more. Equality.
Deep in the heart of South America...
there thrives today a civilization far older than ours.
A people known as the Lorcananos, descended from the Amazons.
In this vast tribe, members of the female sex...
rule and govern...
and systematically deny equal rights to the men...
made weak and puny by years of subservience...
too weak to revolt.
And yet how long have we lived...
in the shadow of a like injustice?
Consider this unfortunate woman's act...
as though you yourselves had each committed it.
Every living being is capable of attack...
if sufficiently provoked.
Assault lies dormant within us all.
It requires only circumstance to set it in violent motion.
I ask you...
for a verdict of not guilty.
There was no murder attempt here.
Only a pathetic attempt to save a home.
I should like to say at the outset...
that I think the arguments advanced by the counsel for the defense...
were sound.
Mere sound.
Ladies and joodlemen of the jerry--
that is to say, gentlemen of the jury.
While I have been vastly amused by some of the entertainment provided here...
I must remind you that it has absolutely no bearing on the case.
Of course, l'm going to ask you for a verdict of guilty as charged.
You, not l, must speak for the people...
and the people ask you to say, Citizens abide by the law.
No one can feel safe living in a community...
when there are reckless and irresponsible neurotics...
wandering about its thoroughfares armed with deadly weapons.
-You must deal with criminals-- -Objection!
-You must deal with criminals-- -Not brought out by testimony.
Sit down, Pinkie! I didn't get up and interrupt you--
-Just a moment! -l didn't get his last--
You said, Sit down something.
No matter, no matter.
May I have it for the record, please?
Sit down, Pinkie.
Pinkie?
-Yes. -What's that, a name?
-Yes. -Whose?
The counsel for the defense.
Oh. ls that a Y or an l-E?
Y for him, l-E for me.
Can we get on with it? What was your objection, Pinkie--counsel?
I object to the characterization of the defendant as a criminal.
-A strange appellation... -Sustained.
-for one with an unblemished record... -Jury disregard reference.
-as citizen, wife and mother! -l have ruled!
The court has ruled!
All right, Pinky.
Well, as I was saying...
or rather, as I was hoping I would be able to say...
the purpose of any summation in any lourt of caw--
in any court of caw--
I beg your pardon, ladies and gentlemen. Let me begin again.
What is there for you to decide? One thing.
Was she trying to kill her husband and Beryl Caighn or both?
I smile.
I find it a little difficult to proceed in this case...
without bursting into laughter at the utter plimsicity of the answer...
and the puny excuse, well after the fact...
that she was merely trying to frighten them.
Simplicity!
I resent--l resent any neighbor...
who takes the law into her own hands...
and places a special interpretation upon itjust for herself.
Now, let's take the character of this Doris Attinger.
I'm afraid that's going to be a little difficult...
because we haven't been told much about her in here...
and we certainly haven't seen Doris Attinger in this courtroom.
What we have seen is a performance...
complete with makeup and costume.
Coached by her counsel for the defense, she has presented...
a sweet face--what a sweet face.
Crowned by a tenderly trimmed bonnet.
I find it a little difficult to be taken in, ladies and gentlemen...
because I happen to be the fellow who paid for the bonnet...
and here's the receipt to prove it.
Do you mind if I show that to the jury?
I'd like to enter this as people's exhibit number 12.
And also, Mrs. Attinger, I would like to have my hat back!
Your Honor!
-Mr. District Attorney! -Now, any further attempts--
You will conclude your summation without any further demonstration!
Okay, everybody, let's go!
Please rise.
Please be seated.
Mr. Foreman, please rise.
Have you agreed upon a verdict?
We have.
Jurors, please rise.
Defendant rise.
Jurors, look upon the defendant.
Defendant, look upon the jurors.
How say you? Do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?
We find the defendant not guilty.
Hearken to your verdict as it stands recorded.
You find the defendant not guilty of the offense...
as charged in the indictment.
-So say you all? -Yes, sir.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, thank you for your efforts.
Jury dismissed. Defendant discharged.
Court is adjourned.
Please rise.
Let's get a picture.
All right.
Come on, honey. Let's go over here.
I don't want my picture taken.
-Bring her in here. -Smile. That's it.
How 'bout the three of you shakin' hands?
Shakin' hands. That's it. All is forgiven.
-One more picture. -My babies!
-Get me a camera! -Let's get these two together.
My babies!
-Let's get some pictures. -Bring the children around.
Turn around, son. Let your face love the camera.
Bring the father in.
Turn around. Bring Beryl in. Where's Beryl?
Bring her in. Turn your face up.
Put your arms around him. All right. Look up.
-Congratulations. -Thanks.
Or should I say congratulations?
I wish it could've been a tie.
Stand together, will ya? Right there.
Mrs. Bonner, do you consider this a significant verdict?
-Yes, she does. -Can you look pleasant at her?
-Laugh it up for the camera. -Smile!
A small but important step in women's march toward equality--
From your summation. Okay to quote you now?
-Oh, yeah. -How 'bout shakin' hands?
-Good idea. All is forgiven. Swell. -One more.
-No, that's enough. -Put your arm around her.
-That's enough! -That's what I call cooperation.
-l'm sorry about-- -Excuse me, please.
-Greatjob, Mrs. Bonner. -Thank you.
We have to get with Julie over the quarterly tax return.
Tomorrow all right?
-Fine. -Want me to set it up?
-No, l'll do it. -Thanks.
See you.
Yes, I suppose so.
...question of the value of the residuals of the piece.
You see, the question of retaining copyright--
-l made a mistake tonight. -So?
I should have invited your mind to supper too.
-What? -Your absent mind.
I'm sorry, Kip.
-This is in order, though. -Thanks.
Want a drink?
-He thinks l'm unreasonable. -Who?
-Adam. -Never mind Adam.
Just as a friend, Kip--
-Yes, you beautiful barrister, you. -As a friend, do--
do you think that l'm unreasonable?
I think you're reasonable.
Yes, but do I strike you--
strike you as overbearing?
Under-bearing.
I may be wrong about much, about plenty, but not about this.
Not about what?
Marriage. What it's supposed to be.
-What makes it work or perfect. -You're so right.
Balance, equality, mutual everything.
There's no room in marriage for what used to be known as the little woman.
She's got to be as big as the man is.
-What if he's a little man? -Sharing.
That's what it takes to make a marriage--
keep a marriage from getting sick of all the duties and respon--
You're sure that we can hear my phone in here?
-l'm sure. -All the duties and responsibilities...
and troubles.
Listen. No part of marriage...
is the exclusive province of any one sex.
Why can't he see that?
Because he's unreasonable. And overbearing.
Sore as he was, that was wrong to call me a comtetitor.
-A what? -A competitor?
-What a way to put it. -He's miffed because he lost.
Don't be idiotic.
Be something, won't it? Win the case and lose my husband.
Well, maybe it's a test.
Maybe if we weather this, we'll be better together, and...
if we don't--
Lawyers should never marry other lawyers.
This is called inbreeding from which comes idiot children...
and more lawyers.
I wish he'd call me up.
You're sure that we can hear my phone in here?
Lawyers should marry piano players or songwriters or both.
How would you like to give me a kiss?
-What time is it? -Wouldn't like to, hmm?
Why don't l-- Why don't I call him up?
How would you like me to give you a kiss?
I would, but I don't know where to call him, that's why.
You couldn't with your mouth full anyway.
You mind if I call you Mrs. Bonner?
Equality. Mutual everything.
-Or nothing. -Mrs. Bonner, I love you.
I love lots of girls and ladies and women...
but you're the only one I know why I love, and you know why?
-What? -Because you live across the hall.
You're mighty attractive in every single way, Mrs. Bonner...
but l'd probably love anybody who lived across the hall from me.
It's so convenient.
Is there anything worse than taking a girl home...
and then that long trek back alone?
-Wanna trade kisses? That's equal. -Look here, Kip.
I'm fighting my prejudices, but it's clear that you're behaving like--
I hate to put it this way-- but like a man.
You watch your language.
Was that my phone?
-Could I use your pass key? -Sure thing.
-What would I do without you, Louie? -You'd remember your keys.
-Don't wait. l'll be right down. -Sure thing.
Just pretend, like they do on the stage. Like Lunt and Fontanne.
You be Lunt and l'll be Fontanne. The other way.
All right. All right. Break it up.
Adam. Listen to me.
Don't you handle me, lady. l'm not nutty.
Not any more than the average. You said it yourself today.
You said anyone is capable of attack if provoked.
You bet, including me. Yes.
Don't you move, young man. You stand as still as you can be.
Now, Adam--Adam.
You said that before.
You're sick. Please.
-What are you doing? -Teaching a lesson.
Him first. Then comes yours.
Get away, Amanda.
Adam, stop.
Get away, Amanda!
-Don't do it, Amanda. -Stop it. Stop it.
You've no right. You can't do what you're doing.
-What? -No one has a right to--
That's all, sister. That's all I wanted to hear.
Music to my tin ear.
Licorice.
If there's anything l'm a sucker for, it's licorice.
I'll never forget this!
Never!
Me neither.
I'll never forget that no matter what you think you think...
you think the same as I think.
That I have no right--that no one has a right to break the law!
That your client had no right. That l'm right and you're wrong.
...worthless, corrupt, mean, rotten...
dirty, contemptible, little, petty, gruesome, contemptible--
-You said all that before. -What?
Go back to your wrestling match.
You think you can hit and run? You're wrong.
-l have a thing or two to say too. -No, no. Don't try me now, Pinkie.
-Don't you Pinkie me. -What's biting you, Adam?
You're biting me.
-How dare you! -l can have you arrested!
Get out of here!
The manners of a great big educated ape.
You think you've humiliated me. That's where you're wrong.
You haven't humiliated anyone with the possible exception of yourself.
You've just revealed yourself for what you are.
You couldn't bear to be bested by a woman.
That's enough yelling just to let the people--
If you want to talk, go in and we'll talk things over.
Are you joking? l'd be afraid to be in the same room with a mad bull.
I'll never be in the same room with you!
That suits me fine. You will be in the same room with me to settle things.
-All right! -That's tomorrow. Don't forget it.
I hope you can afford to pay me...
for what you owe me, you great clumsy oaf!
Oh, go inside!
You think you know something about law.
Well, let me tell you. I know something about law too.
I know something about the law...
and there's gonna be a law against you!
Nobody. Like I told you, just plain nobody.
I don't know what's the matter with you lately.
You're always hearing things.
Now, here's a check.
$337.41 issued to Martin L. Baumer.
What's that? lt's on the joint account.
-Furrier. -Mending a coat.
Put it on mine. The coat was a present.
-l know. -l gave you the coat.
-l expect you to keep it in repair. -Not at all.
-l want to. -l can't help that.
If we're gonna debate every item, we'll be here 'til the next quarter.
-Okay. -Mine.
And not deductible. N.D.
All right. Next is Pollard and Douglas.
That's seeds for the house in the country.
$478.60?
-We like a lot of plants. -Liked.
N.D.
All right. A hundred dollars to Dwight Everly.
That was--remember that--
Uh, that was a bet we lost--l lost.
What kind of bet?
What difference does it make?
N.D.
-Something you can't tell me? -lt's nothing. Silly.
All right. Juel Delwyn, $280.
You should note all these on your stubs. Saves time.
-That was mine. Not deductible. -What is it? Maybe it is.
-Just some underwear. -Underwear?
$280 worth?
Wasn't my underwear.
Very well.
Thank you.
Bridgeport, Connecticut, Citizens' Bank: $8,740.30.
That's what?
The last payment on the farm.
It's written on the stub there.
I made out that check myself. l'm sure it's there.
Who said it wasn't? lt isn't.
The point is, how much of that is interest which is deductible...
and how much is actual mortgage payment, which is not?
-l don't know. Do you, Adam? -No, no.
By that time we were so excited at getting it paid off...
that we just got careless.
Oh, this was final?
Yes.
We own it now.
Every scrap.
It took us six years.
But we made it.
Free and clear.
You know, there's a new ruling on that.
This process could be considered as paying the interest in advance.
The taxpayer, however, can deduct this type of interest payment...
only at the time the mortgage is fully paid.
Taxpayers who use the accrual method of accounting...
can take the deduction as the interest payments...
accrued during the life of the mortgage.
But I don't know whether that would actually--
-Listen, Pinky. -What?
If we started now, we could get there in time for dinner.
And see the dogs?
There isn't much in the freeze.
You don't wanna go.
We'll be here another two hours at least.
Yes, I do.
-You don't really wanna go. -There are a lot more items.
Here.
Come on.
Where?
Come on.
Home. Back to the farm.
-Wait. You've got to-- -Sign our names. Give them the money.
-Sign anything. -This could cost you.
We don't care about that.
The more taxes we pay, the better we like it.
See?
-Say! -Speaking to me?
-You were pretty good. -When?
All the way through. Especially the summation.
You had me.
-Almost. -Almost?
-You weren't so bad yourself. -l didn't think so either.
We got a big thing to talk about tomorrow.
What?
They want me to run for that county courtjudgeship.
The Republicans do. lt's a sure seat, practically.
-Pinky! -Yeah, that's me.
County Court Judge Pinky.
I'm real proud of you.
I'd rather have you say that than anything.
Hello, Amanda
Here's a hearty welcome to you
Hello, Amanda
The battle was fun but it's done
It's through
And from now on fair Amanda
When you're gazing at the stars above
We'll revive that wonderful night
On the veranda
-Sweet Amanda -Adam.
Yes?
And our love
Have they picked the Democratic candidate yet?
I was just wondering.
-You were. -Mmm.
But you wouldn't.
How do you know?
Because l'd cry, and then you wouldn't.
-What? -l'd cry...
the way I did in Julie's office today.
Got me what I wanted. Got me you back.
-Those were real, those tears. -Of course they were...
but I can turn 'em on anytime I want to.
Us boys can do it too. We just never think to.
-Bunk! -Bunk, huh?
Keep your eye on the eye. We're having a fuss, see, and l'm losing.
So here they come.
On your mark, get set, go.
See?
Now l'll help it along a little like this.
Oh, yes. There ain't any of us don't have our little tricks.
All right, but what does that show? What have you proved?
It shows the score.
Shows that what I said was true. There's no difference between the sexes.
Men, women, the same.
They are, huh?
Maybe there is a difference, but it's a little difference.
-You know as the French say? -What do they say?
-Vive la différence! -Which means?
Which means, Hooray for that little difference!